An Anxious Affair

Because she lived in Texas, we were able to get to know “our” wonderful birth mother through emails, texts, FaceTime and phone calls over the next several months. She was about 14 weeks along when she contacted us (due December 2013) so we were able to attend her ultrasound appointments through FaceTime and she was amazing at keeping us informed of doctor appointments and whatnot. I absolutely loved getting to know this sweet, brave girl. The husband and I found ourselves getting excited and planning future family vacations.. I was all over making plans to decorate the nursery.. We were beside ourselves with excitement laced with the anxiety of what could happen. What if she changed her mind? She was so sure that adoption was her choice, but minds can always be changed and she had a good 6 months since contacting us to do it. She was going through a divorce situation where her husband was not the birth father (BF didn’t want anything to do with the baby) and she wanted her baby to have both a father and a mother every day. Side by side. Traveling through life together. I can’t tell you how hard I tried every day to show her that we were a strong, loving couple.. Exactly what she was looking for! Haha Actually, she got to know us pretty well over those 6 months.. Flaws, corks and all. It was definitely a roller coaster of emotions, though, the whole way through..


The day we found out we were having a baby boy, I had a couple of my sisters and my mother in law come over to my house bright and early at 7am. We also had my mom on the phone (of course) from Utah. We turned it into an event that morning! As we face timed with her at her ultrasound, I was able to project it onto the TV screen for everyone to see (thanks AppleTV)! So amazing that even though we were thousands of miles apart, we could still experience some of the joys of being expectant parents. We owe her so much for allowing us that.

We were also able to make a trip out to Texas to meet her and her family in September. We already knew both of her parents from when we lived there as well as her brother and his wife and little boys (one of which was the baby who was born around the same time that my baby was due the year prior <when I had the miscarriage>). We were treated so kindly by her family, a few of which weren’t exactly thrilled that she was choosing adoption.. but Texans are generally just kind people and we felt like part of the family by the time we left. 

As we decided what kind of adoption we wanted to have for our baby, the choice was so clear. We wanted an open adoption. We had already developed a close relationship with our birth mother and her family and wanted our son to know just how many people would love him from all over the country his entire life! We were so grateful to this woman for the choice she was making that we wanted her to watch him grow up and see the happiness that she allowed him to have through her sacrifice. 


As the due date grew closer, we became more and more excited, nervous and allowed ourselves to plan on bringing our baby home! I made that nursery that I’d dreamed about for years come to life, we even were so bold as to throw ourselves a baby shower. I always loved when I got comments from people (who were just people that casually found out we were planning to adopt, not personal friends mind you) saying, “she’s probably going to change her mind. I’d prepare myself if I were you.” Hahaha wait, what?!?! You mean there’s an alternate scenario where our hearts are completely broken and we don’t get to become parents as planned after all?? I hadn’t thought about that at all.. not even once. Thank you so much for making me aware of that possibility! Ya, people suck.. Everyone knew about our baby boy and I’m sure lots of people were praying for us. The best was definitely yet to come, though… Meeting him was the greatest moment of our lives.